Like New Zealand with sheep, I’m pretty certain that Poland has more dogs than people. Huge, shaven headed brutes with meat-fists walk tiny little pointless dogs (the kind that you usually see in Louis Vuitton bags in Japan) whilst the women, not content with one, walk two dogs although they’d be better off riding one of them for all the good the lead does.
You never see these purveyors of dog pâté ever allowing (or encouraging) their dogs to deposit their unwrapped package, however. I’m pretty sure they all come out at dawn, marching purposefully out of their apartment blocks like ants from their hill. They probably draw up detailed plans well in advance of their operation so they can ‘hit and run’, returning as quickly as they arrived, to their concrete pods.
There is another reason for their dawn raids, however and that is the weather. If it looks like it’s going to rain then they don’t bother, however if it looks like it’s going to be sunny then it’s bomb doors to manual and away! I’m pretty certain that on grey days they package and freeze the present from their dogs so they can bring it out on a sunny day to maximum effect. Don’t they have anything better to do!?
The only reason I can think of for this behaviour is that the sun distracts or blinds people so the chance of slippage increases significantly. I’m almost certain that there are old ladies who spend their days huddled on balconies with biscuits and binoculars keeping score on how many people fall into their traps.
Old lady with green beret: Well done, Iwona. That’s four points to you. Here, have another biscuit to chew on. Don’t forget your teeth this time.
Old lady with beige beret: Hmm?
They tell me Poland is a beautiful place and I’d agree with them about the countryside and, in fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s stunning. As for the cities, well, I couldn’t tell you, as I (like just about everyone else) spend my time looking at the pavement and making the necessary adjustments so as to avoid these little islands of dirt and water. Professional dancers have nothing on me and I can side step and suzie Q with the best.
All of this has led me to think that the soil quality problems of some countries could be solved almost overnight if some international agency could transport all the dark matter from the streets of Poland to the soil of these nations. Actually, forget that. Scrub it from your minds. We could end - actually end - the hunger of the world if we exported the dogs of Poland (sounds like a band) to countries with food shortages. Wah! I hear you exclaim. Well, it’s probably no different from what’s served up by the world’s kebab shops at a weekend. Ug.
Have a nice day. I’m sure wherever you are you are free from the neckache of dog poo avoidance.
Stumble It!
Try to avoid the lovely pressies on the sidewalk whilst simultaneously not getting any on your 3-wheel stroller. Can’t be done, I say. Whichever way I steer, either one of the wheels or one of my shoes gets it.
Babcia Iwona 1
Me 0
There’s a law, you know. but as all laws in Poland, they’re not really followed. Fine people, I say, and keep fining them larger and larger sums until they learn to pick up their darling’s crap.
It CAN be done, My brother has a boxer and practically carries a shovel when they go out walking. There are cities with dogs and little crap and the secret? you’ve got it, fine fine fine. Or until they have biological offspring and the wee comes in crying from stepping in dog crap.
that dog seems stunned when he got his picture taken.
Arlene,
Port Orchard florist